


Out of the night

by keysmash



Series: Supernatural s5 Codas [27]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spn_30snapshots, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:30:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmash/pseuds/keysmash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It matters not how strait the gate,<br/>How charged with punishments the scroll,<br/>I am the master of my fate:<br/>I am the captain of my soul.</p><p>from William Ernest Henley's "<a href="http://www.constitution.org/col/invictus.htm">Invictus</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the night

**Author's Note:**

> Point of No Return coda. Written for prompt 26 of my [](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/profile)[**spn_30snapshots**](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/) [table](http://latentfunction.livejournal.com/349450.html); previous codas are also linked in that post. Title from William Ernest Henley.

They kept the windows rolled down even once the air blowing in turned uncomfortably cool, moving along so quickly at night. Dean didn't know about Sam, but he liked the cold, the rush, after the night they'd had. He had his brother's blood — his brothers' blood — on his clothes, and the fresh air, cold and burning over his cheeks, and the feel of the road, vibrating up through the wheel and into his arms, up into his chest and his heart. He hadn't been _suicidal_, the way Sam had made it sound, but it would have been a little like dying, to give this up forever. He hadn't realized how much he would miss driving the first time around, but it had been one of his favorite things to have back. He stepped a little harder on the pedal, pushing them down the road that much faster, and next to him, Sam was happy and smiling, above the blood he hadn't wiped entirely away from his chin.

They stopped somewhere by the side of the road, along the side of a dam, and piled out of the car the way they had when they were kids, to pee side by side in the grass. Dean looked out over the surface of the water, and it was probably dirty and lifeless beneath the surface, but the surface itself was smooth and clear. It reflected the moon.

They were still hours away from Bobby's, and Cas hadn't called Dean or answered his calls — which, whatever, he wanted to act like Dean had been doing all of this just to yank his pigtails, fine, they could deal with that later — and they had gas in the tank but also beer in the trunk, and beef jerky, and a bag of the dried apple chips that Sam seemed to like so much.

"You wanna stop here tonight?" he asked, not looking away from the water. He felt it more than saw it when Sam shrugged.

"Yeah, alright."

They drank standing up, leaning against the passenger side of the car like any number of times before. The breeze coming over the water was still cool and Dean stood right next to Sam, letting their body heat bleed together between them.

"Is that what I was like, when I was his age?" Sam asked eventually.

When Sam had been Adam's age, already off at school, he'd been gone, so Dean didn't really know. He was gonna let that one slide, though, because Sam at seventeen had been pretty much like Adam at however old he was now.

"What do you mean?" he asked, instead of answering.

"Like Adam," he said. "The real Adam. Just — angry, where nothing you say could make it any better."

Dean snorted. "Dude, sometimes you're still like that."

"Sorry," he said, and ducked his head. He was smiling but he didn't sound happy. "I know that's gotta suck."

Sucked out loud and all night long, and Dean felt he was qualified to talk about that, these days. Yeah, it sucked.

"Yeah. You thought you were doing the right thing, though," he said. He'd had lots of time, decades too many, to figure out how they'd gotten to this point, and he understood where Sam was coming from. Sam was wrong, of course, he'd fucked up, but Dean could mostly see why he'd done it. "It woulda been the right thing if you were someone else."

Sam shook his head and leaned closer. Their shoulders brushed. Dean thought for a moment, then finished off the final mouthfuls of his beer and leaned closer, taking Sam's weight and giving up some of his own at the same time.

"We're not anybody else, though," Sam said.

"That we sure are not." Dean grinned over at Sam, letting the breeze blow over them, and when Sam turned to meet his gaze, Dean leaned in, up, and kissed him.

He hadn't wanted anything in a while, what with all the shit they'd been dealing with, and the increasing certainty he'd been wrong about saying no. He'd been so sure he'd fucked up again, the biggest time yet, and screwing around with his brother was just one more thing he was doing wrong. It was another way he was falling short, but it was the easiest one to fix, too. Saying no here only meant hurting Sam, and that wasn't anything he hadn't done before.

But if they were doing this again, taking their riskiest idea yet and running with it, then why the hell not put his hands on his brother. Dean was sure, deep in his gut and his bones and all his old injuries that ached when the weather turned, that they were heading to the last stand of all, and this was good, until then. It felt good — it _felt_, when so little did. Dean wrapped one hand in Sam's shirt and pulled him closer, smiled when Sam attacked his pants with both hands and pulled his dick out right there, with the two of them caught between the road and the water.

They collapsed into the back seat when they were done. Dean lay flat on his back with one foot on the floorboards, and Sam pressed heavily on top of him. They'd left the door open so they'd both fit, but Sam's feet hung out, into the night. Dean was shirtless, sweaty, but the breeze blowing through the open door only made Sam's body heat feel comfortable, warm and nice. Dean was okay, right here.

"We still don't have a plan, you realize," he said, after he'd entirely caught his breath, and Sam's had slowed back to normal as well.

Sam snorted, then bit lightly at the side of his neck. Dean sighed and just turned his head, giving him more room.

"We've got the same plan we've had for months," Sam said. "You're just back on board with it now."

Dean smiled, and closed his eyes. He stayed where he was.


End file.
